Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Cow Theories

Last nite I was watching the movie Someone Like You. It was based on the New Cow Theory as mentioned (here) and its analogy to the Humans.
So, I googled the so called Cow Theory and what I found is different but equally interesting ...
The Theory goes like this ......
Here is the hypothetical situation: Your neighbor has 3 cows, you have one cow. How do different economic systems deal with this situation?
Communism: The government takes two cows away from your neighbor and sends them into orbit to prove the communist system is better. Your neighbor is sent to Siberia for being a landowner. You are sent to Siberia for being a troublemaker. The capitalists, shocked about the orbiting cows, are spurred into action and land cows on the moon a few years later. Your economy cannot compete and dissolves into chaos.
American capitalism: The person with 3 cows becomes rich by renting one of his cows to you. Then he takes his cow back and uses the profit to buy your cow from you, leaving him with 4 cows and you with none.
European capitalism: The government discovers that cows cause global warming and you are forced sell your cow to pay for expensive emission control devices. There is no market for cows. It is considered gauche to eat beef, and killing a cow is considered a form of genocide. Your neighbor is tried in the International Criminal Court for running a cow slavery ring. The government sets limits on the number of cows it can have, then exceeds them.
Marxism: The cows revolt against exploitation and form a commune where they are all equal. Since everyone is equal, they are all managers and no one does any work. They stand in long lines to buy grass. One cow escapes to Mexico, but the other cows send an assassin after him.
Feminism: You are forced to have an equal number of cows and bulls. Instead of giving milk, your cow runs for the US Senate while your bull refuses to mate. Cows become extinct.
Democrat: You feel guilty for being successful.You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.

P.S. : The complete list can be found Ref 1 Ref 2

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